Husbands and Discerning Modesty

I’ll suggest three things to the woman who wishes to wear skirts exclusively but finds resistance from her husband. (I'll also take a moment to say that I don't believe that a skirt is the sole measure of modesty. However, I have found that exclusive skirt wearing has made the difference for me in avoiding the mores of our culture.)

1. Obedience is liberating
2. “Talk is cheap.”
3. Erich Maria Remarque

~ Obedience is Liberating~

Often in the spiritual life, the woman is the first to notice the promptings of grace. This is in line with the feminine nature of receptivity. A woman is naturally more open, more willing to receive guidance from the Lord. (In an earlier post, Fr. Angelo called this the genius of women.) However, each strength has its accompanying weakness. With the gift of openness to grace (and therefore knowing the right way to go) may also come the inclination to pride. We need only to keep before us the mental image of Eve who demonstrated clearly the woman’s weakness and her ability to draw a man down with her. Obedience gives a woman the tool to tame pride.

Obedience is a very important virtue to practice. I think in the case of skirt wearing, a woman needs to respect the wishes of her husband. By working with our husbands through docility and prayer, we have the additional benefit of offering a wonderful gift to our children: an excellent marriage and the example of cheerful obedience.

~Talk is Cheap~

How often do we see an advanced marriage depicted with a man sitting in an easy chair, totally engrossed in a newspaper while the wife is blah, blah, blahing to no effect?

Virtue is the result of God's grace and therefore it is based upon prayer. If a woman truly wishes to wear skirts, but the husband is disinclined, I think the wife is called to follow her husband’s guidelines and to pray fervently for him.

Ask St. Joseph to speak to your husband on your behalf. Enlist the help of every Guardian Angel you can think of: Yours, his, and the children’s. Do your best not to speak of the matter unless he brings it up again. Offer up your silence on this point as a sacrifice so that the grace may quickly penetrate his heart. When practicing this silence, call upon the sacramental grace of your marriage, renew your commitment to fidelity in the Lord, and be hopeful that he will hear this message much more loudly than if you used a megaphone directly in his ear.

~Erich Maria Remarque~
I can’t say I read much fiction. But I remember reading a book by Erich Maria Remarque in which he said something like,

“A woman should wear what looks good on her not what she likes.”

It is important to try to wear the right skirt/dress that suits you. Could it be that your husband wishes you to wear something other than skirts because you are wearing something you “like” as opposed to something that looks “good on you”? If your husband doesn’t object, perhaps try a different style of skirt – try a new haircut – try some makeup – ask a friend to help you.