Adoption, A Difference

From my experience, one of the hardest transitions from parenting the biological child to parenting the adoptive child was the inability to follow the lead of the adoptive child. As a biological mother, I followed the lead of my baby. When she cried, I attended to her needs. If I held her and she seemed to want to investigate something in her environment, I put her down. If she was hungry, I fed her. Often, the parent cannot follow the lead of the adoptive child. The baby’s experiences of neglect or hardship have already compromised his ability to know what he wants or to know what is best for him.

Slinging a baby is very helpful. A baby loves the sling. When I see my fourteen month old baby fighting to get out of the sling, I do not automatically take her out. I first have to ask, “Did anything difficult occur to her recently?”

Well, yesterday I brought her to the doctor’s office. She cried almost the entire time. She was fearful of her new surroundings, she didn’t appreciate the weighing machine. She didn’t like the doctor looking into her mouth and ears. She also has an ear infection. So, this week she has experienced pain which I did not relieve. On top of this, I am giving her medicine which she does not like. All of these events are big events in the life of my fourteen month old. So, this morning when she screamed while in the sling, I remembered all the trauma of the doctor’s office and kept her in the sling until she finished pushing away from me and screaming. I kept her in the sling, bouncing her until she began to smile, to soften her arching back and began to enjoy my company again.

Pain seems to cause these children to run away from their new parents rather than to pull them close. They are used to being “independent.” It is critical in the first months, the earliest months to insist upon mothering the child despite her refusal to accept the mothering.

Many adoptive parents have physical difficulty slinging. May I suggest at least slinging the child during your devotions such as the Rosary? You don’t have to housework and walk around the house if your back or legs can’t support carrying the baby. Set time to sit down on the couch and put your baby in the sling. Consider slinging in the sitting position even if your baby is three or four years old.

Rebecca has a very good post on different slings.
Kira uses a Korean variety.Suzanne shows a picture of a beautiful fleecy sling. (See the comment section on where to purchase this sling.)