“Many Religious and others have been saints without meditation, but without obedience no one.”
St. Francis de Sales

Obedience is liberating. That’s not what the world says, and it is certainly not what our American culture says, but, the truth is: Obedience is liberating; it makes you free.
Free to be what?
Free to be right, always right.

Obedience is like incense suffusing the interior of the Church in a mystical veil and beautiful fragrance. Some people who are unaccustomed to incense find it difficult to bear at first. But, once you’ve become accustomed to incense, you grow to love it.

Our Separated Brethren do not have the practice of obedience to authority in their belief system. A Protestant will be the first to admit that they do not need an authority to interpret the Scriptures for them. A pastor is only there to help direct them on their way to personal understanding, personal interpretation. He certainly is not to stand in the way once an interpretation has been made. The personal conscience, the personal interpretation reigns supreme. This is the atmosphere we breathe. This is the culture we are submersed in. This is the smoky room of ‘individualism’ in American culture which cares not for obedience.

“When the Superior orders anything, consider that it is not he that speaks, but God, so that the Superior is but a trumpet through which the voice of God sounds. And this is the true key to obedience, and the reason why the perfect obey in everything so promptly, “
St. Alphonsus Rodriguez
Quoted from A Year With the Saints, 189

It is in this sense that obedience is liberating and always makes one stand ‘in the right’. For a wife, this is particularly true. If a wife has a differing opinion with her husband, she may and should discuss this with her husband. (We are not talking about immorality. Immorality is never permitted and should never be given obedience to.) The discussion should be in private and should be a discussion (not a fight.)

We can take the Blessed Virgin as our model. She promised Her virginity to God. When the angel Gabriel brought the news that she was to be the Mother of God, she politely asked “How can this be?” She didn’t become ruffled, antagonistic, or petulant. (Her ‘trouble’ stemmed from the magnificent greeting of the angel which caused her humility trouble.) She knew she was right. She knew she had promised to God her virginity and had no intention of giving up on that promise. When the plan was explained, She submitted saying ‘Behold the handmaiden of the Lord, let it be done unto me according to thy word.” Father Faber tells us, ‘This is the first and last time we see the will of Our Lady. After this, She never says a word. At Simeon’s prophecy – no word. At the finding in the Temple, her concerns are voiced for St. Joseph “How could you have done this to us?" meaning St. Joseph. (The Foot of the Cross)

So, now the wife and husband have discussed the different points of view on a particular topic. The husband makes the decision, if it is a decision contrary to the wife’s wishes, she needs to accept this decision in humble silence. This is incredibly difficult and very sanctifying. One should not talk to the neighbors, friends, or others about this. If you have your will thwarted and do not let the words pass from your lips – where does this inner struggle go?
The place all our struggles should go: To God.

So humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you.
I Peter 5:6-7

St. Peter assures us that the Lord wants to hear about “all your worries” not just some worries, or only someone else’s worries. Put your name before ‘cast’:
‘Mary Vitamin, cast ALL your worries upon him’

Why should we do this?
Because he cares for us.

In your silence, turn to God.
Complain to Him.
Tell Him how right you are.
Tell Him, you are always right, you are never wrong.
How dare a decision be made like this.
Tell Him all your fears of the ruination of your family.
Tell Him, the whole world is going to fall apart because of this decision.
Tell Him you are listening to this decision because of your search for Him.

Tell Him, you are listening because you want to listen to God.

Tell Him: Where does my help come from now?
If you don’t help me, no one will. I need Your help now.

And He will answer you:
Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall come my help?
My help shall come from the Lord
Who made heaven and earth.

May he never allow you to stumble!

If you repeatedly pray this prayer, if you are right, your husband will receive the necessary grace to change his decision. If you were wrong, you will discover your error.
However,in obedience, the wife is always correct, no matter which scenario plays out.

Is this sort of sacrifice of my will worth it?

“The devil, seeing that there is no shorter road to the summit of perfection than that of obedience, artfully insinuates many repugnances and difficulties under color of good, to prevent us from following it.” St. Teresa of Avila

If this type of obedience is practiced, the head of the family is given more ability to make good decisions.
He is given freedom to consider the facts, weigh the wife’s concerns, make decisions not based on emotionalism. He can make decisions fearless of a wife’s retribution. Who wants to live with a vindictive wife? And who can make unbiased decisions with one around?

If obedience is routinely practiced, the whole family benefits.
How will children learn to be obedient, if the mother’s example is lacking? How can a child be taught not to talk back, if a wife never practices the silence she requests from a child?

"The Blessed Virgin then appeared to [St. Briget] and said: 'Suppose, my daughter, that two of my children desire to fast on a certain day. One, being mistress of her own actions, fasts; the other, who is under obedience, does not fast. The second gains two rewards –one for her desire, the other for her obedience.'”
A Year With the Saints, 181

Ave Maria!

Gerard David
Virgin and Child with Four Angels
c. 1505Oil on wood,
63,2 x 39,1 cm
Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York